Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
