i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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