Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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