Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
