So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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