if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
