I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
