Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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