I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
