Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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