just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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