i just made my gag reflex go away.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
