Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
