Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
