the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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