shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
