yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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