ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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