I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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