guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
