were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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