Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
