i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
