My room smells like vodka and shame
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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