did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
