Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize