Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
