I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
