If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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