i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
