I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
