I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
