Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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