Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
