We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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