i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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