I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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