i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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