jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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