Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
