I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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