I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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