It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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