two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
