fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize