Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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