I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
