Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
