I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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