What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
