So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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