You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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