Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
