no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
