There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
