He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
