My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The uberlube is also flammable
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
be right there i have to get my cape
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
my liver is dry heaving
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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