return my video game
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
