I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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