And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
