drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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