dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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